Hairdressers over heroes

The Aquino administration’s blitzkrieg counterattack against the Vice President’s True State of the Nation Address (Tsona) centered on several aspects that ranged from the Vice President’s recognition of the heroic deaths of the 44 Special Action Force personnel (SAF 44) from the President’s twice-bungled Mamasapano massacre to accusations that issues tackled were old media headlines and, eventually, to criticism of the speech’s venue. From the supremely ironic to the pettiest of protocols, Malacañang has chosen to continuously hurl brickbats, including the cliché kitchen sink, at a perceived ominous threat to their positions.

Ludicrousness doesn’t seem to deter the already deeply ludicrous. Dread and desperation are formidable, impelling forces for those weak in character. For this administration, it is important to sustain a multimillion-peso hate campaign to stop the Vice President from eventually prosecuting the criminally culpable for their wholesale plunder via the pork-barrel mechanisms. And, as a secondary objective, the need to part the thicket so their anointed, a poll loser, might have a clear path to an elusive presidency.

Not everyone who writes on these is a paid hack. Some are simply appalled at the evident stupidity, as we are. Since we have time to waste on a slow Sunday morning, let us analyze each counterpoint against the Tsona that the President’s spokesman has curiously labeled as charot. As an aside, we are curious that he should use such verbiage. Charot is a colloquial term, standard “beki-speak” spoken by gender-indeterminate hairdressers and the LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transexuals) minority.

Charot means joke, in the language of bekimon. Rather than respond directly to issues raised by the Vice President, in fencing terms, what the Palace drew was a desvio—a deflecting act. Charot’s unfortunate use started a verbal sword fight (espadahan) to which the block and parry was correctly Imbed ang fez ni secretarush dahil trulalu ang spluk ni VP. Pero ang Sona ng Pangulo, chaka ever sa madlang pipol dahil hindi trulalu.”

The latter was e-mailed by Sir Joey Salgado, the Vice President’s spokesman, as he defended the truth with distinctive rapier-sharp wit, thus engaging the Palace’s short-sword stabs with a long pole-arm’s cut and thrust.

Salgado’s lunge had hit the mark. Applying a master swordsman’s botta secretta, the best reply to a brazen “balaj and MRT anaconda” from Palace factotums is the undeniable trulalu.

Taking our cue from the Executive department, analyzing counter-parries to the Tsona, let us start on the petty and work our way to the substantive and revealing.

When a university hosted the Tsona after its students, exercising admirable and exemplary critical thinking, had invited the Vice President in an effort to allow the youth to discern alternative sides of burning issues and judge for themselves the truth, Malacañang turned its ire on the defenseless.

Sinking into a Draconian pit, officials “suggested” that the university’s educators explain themselves. Such harassment and intimidation expose a miseducated leadership that obviously considers education a threat, and critical thinking and academic freedom, subversive.

Earlier, the ruling party’s desvio claimed that the Tsona’s principal issues were rehashed headlines. Quoting media reports, the Liberal Party “downplayed” the Tsona, saying it was “nothing but rehashed stories unworthy of attention and respect.”

It is revealing that the Liberal Party would consider the Tsona’s principal issues, the heroism and tragic deaths of the SAF 44, the transportation issues, the billion-peso pork-barrel patronage, and the criminal Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP) as “unworthy of attention and respect” and, yet, prematurely ejaculate to accolades for the President’s hairdresser, househelp and nanny, thinking those integral to a relevant and historic presidential report to Congress.

That this administration honors hairdressers and househelps over heroes is, perhaps, the truest, most eloquent and most revealing State of the Nation Address.